Life with Two

August 14, 2012 · By ·
I’ve gotten lots of emails from people wondering how life with two is and if I like the exactly 2 years apart age gap…and my answer changes on a daily basis. But in general, we’ve settled into a routine (far from a schedule) and we’re rolling with the punches, and most of the time it’s absolutely wonderful, but it’s hard work.  

From a marriage standpoint, two is trying. Mr. B and I had a really easy adjustment to life with Thomas – he was a super sleeper who went to bed every night at 6:30 without a fight. We had from 6:30 to 10 (because we’re the oldest twenty somethings you know with our 10 o’clock bedtimes) every night to talk and spend time together. Nell? Not quite her brother in the sleep department. And as a result we’ve had to make time to talk and be together when the kids aren’t around. That caught me off guard a bit – I think I expected the same amount of time together in the evenings as we had when Thomas was born. And as Nell gets better about bedtime, it’s getting easier. But, I know that as the kids get older, this will happen on and off – we’ll have chaotic years when we’re shuffling from school to activity after activity and feel like we barely see each other. So knowing that, we’ve made a conscious effort to make time for each other and our marriage – even if it means later bedtimes and less sleep. Our marriage is the single most important aspect of making our family work, but it requires work to keep it healthy. We’re far from perfect, but we work on it.

Kiddo wise, 6 weeks was a major break through for us in terms of things getting easier. The first six weeks were pure chaos and sleep deprivation, but at 6 weeks Nell started giving us longer stretches of sleep, she’s a little bit better about falling asleep on her own, and the seemingly constant growth spurts started to spread out. 

How I found Thomas and Nell when I when I went to get them out of their carseats at the grocery store last week. Do I love this age gap? YES!

There are great things and tough things about the 2 year age gap. The great: Thomas adjusted really quickly to sharing the limelight – it was tough at first, but now he asks to “Go see Nellers” when he wakes up in the morning. He’s constantly trying to get to her to give her hugs and kisses. And he loves to tell everyone who walks by us or through our door, “Dat’s Nell.” On the flip side, he’s two. And we’re fully entrenched in the “terrible (and sometimes tender) twos” – everything I’ve read says this hits closer to 2 1/2, but I’m just telling myself that because Thomas is so verbal, he’s hitting 2 1/2 early. Don’t burst my bubble by telling me that’s not true, I like to live in delusion on this topic.  These would be tough days even if Nell weren’t here yet, but it can be tricky juggling the needs of an infant with the needs of a toddler. I’m a firm believer in handling unacceptable behavior when it happens, and that means that nursing the babe gets interrupted to discipline “sad choices”. And it gets interrupted when the two-year-old decides Nell’s feeding time is the perfect opportunity to try jumping head first into the hardwood floor from the top of the couch. Oh, I’ve got anecdotes.

Yesterday, I took Thomas and Nell to the doctor for Nell’s 2 month appointment. It felt like the ultimate test: A screaming 2 month old needing to be held tightly; a bored 2 year old (who happened to have a huge black eye and bump on his head…why do those always happen when you’re going to the doctor?) in the throes of a very two-year-old period wanting attention and acting out by trying to hit me and throwing the books and toys I brought for him to play with to the ground; and a doctor asking me questions about Nell’s last month and Thomas’s bruise while simultaneously observing how I handle the chaos as I fill out the pediatrician’s postpartum depression questionnaire. I never felt like I deserved a $1 large McDonald’s Diet Coke more than when we walked out of that office. And you better believe I’ve already booked Mr. B’s mom to babysit for T during Nell’s 4 month appointment.

My mom called one night while Mr. B was at a board meeting, I was cooking dinner after having started back at work that day, Thomas was throwing a solid 2 year old tantrum and Nell was over her bouncy seat. Thomas was screaming, Nell was crying, and water was boiling over on the stove. I hung up – not having caught a word of my mom’s phone call – and immediately thought of the Trace Adkins song “You’re Gonna Miss This”:

Five years later there’s a plumber workin’ on the water heater
Dog’s barkin’, phone’s ringin’
One kid’s cryin’, one kid’s screamin’
She keeps apologizin’
He says they don’t bother me
I’ve got 2 babies of my own
One’s 36, one’s 23
Huh, it’s hard to believe

But you’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this.



Thank God for that song because instead of crying – which my heart contemplated – all I could do was laugh. Because as hectic and chaotic as life with two can be, the majority of it is heart-wrenchingly tender and sweet. And I already miss those first chaotic, insane six weeks.  This parenting thing is hard work and we have our moments, but I wouldn’t trade even the toughest ones for anything in the world.

 

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Filed Under: Life, Nell, Thomas ·

Comments

  1. Kristi says:
    August 14, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    So true, Emily. I keep telling myself that in a few short years the kids will be in school and I will be thinking of all the memories that we made together, bad and good.
    Also, so glad that you are making time for your marriage right now. It took us a while longer to figure that one out, but it is the base of every family.

  2. Katie & Ryan says:
    August 14, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Awww I love this post. I can only imagine how hard two are…especially since I only have one right now. I completely agree with you about putting your marriage first. My husband and I try really hard to make our marriage the number one priority…especially to set a good example for our child. It is work though! Especially when sometimes, all you want to do is nap :) And that Trace Adkins song…makes me tear up every time!

  3. Emily says:
    August 14, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    This is a great post- filing it away for the future when I myself have 2 kiddos. Right now we don’t even have one, but I’m anticipating how much it’s going to throw us for a loop when he makes his appearance. I agree with putting the marriage first- that’s the #1 priority right there!

  4. Lauren says:
    August 14, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    I love this post and I don’t have any kids yet. Thank you for your honesty and I love that you are keeping things in perspective and remembering what is most important. Hang in there! :)

  5. Kim @ NewlyWoodwards says:
    August 14, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    What a beautiful post. I can’t imagine having 2 right now, so you are a saint in my book. Such a great momma your kiddos have.

  6. Leanne says:
    August 14, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    Thanks so much for sharing this! We have one right now and I wonder how we’d ever make it with 2! I think about that song all the time – when he’s fussy and when he’s laughing. I’m going to miss the late night diaper changes someday and I’m going to mourn when he outgrows laughing when I kiss him all over. That happens at 25 or 30, right? :-)

  7. Mrs. 5C says:
    August 14, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    Aww! Yes! I sing that song in my head all the time. :)

  8. leah @maritalbless says:
    August 14, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    You got it mama! Sometimes all you can do is laugh, just as you said. :)

  9. Meredith says:
    August 14, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    This post totally made me cry the ugly cry (in a good way) this morning, lol!

  10. *claire* says:
    August 14, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    that picture is beyond cute. and i wish i knew thomas in real life – he seems like such a fun kid! (as i’m sure nell will be too!)
    we’ve thought about having ours with that same time frame, so i’m so glad you wrote this. i know you’re a great mom to your babies and your positive perspective is inspiring.

  11. Shannon says:
    August 16, 2012 at 1:19 am

    I love when you give us the nitty gritty Em, I really do. I think we might have waited too long for #2 because we are knee deep in glorious sleep these days. I’m gonna have a rude awakening, I know it. I’m thinking of forcing my mom to move in when the time comes just so I can skip that whole period.

    btw, little hand holding makes my heart hurt. Love those kiddos!

  12. Ashley E says:
    August 21, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    I’m not even a parent yet, and I love this post.